Friday, April 1, 2011

Epic Follower Blogfest/ Contest

This is for the contest mentioned in my previous post. Here is my "Twitter" (140 characters max) pitch.

Actually, I'm stuck on two. Let me know which one you like the best, or which elements of each you like (or don't).

#1.  Michael is a harmless rush until he wants Kate to become a ghost like him. She'll face her past or lose her future, and her (living) lover.


#2.  When the ghost goes from harmless rush to wanting Kate with him for eternity and her lover plain dead, she must face her past to banish him.

Genre: Paranormal Romance (adult)
Title: Nepenthe
To all the participants - best of luck to all! (squeal! Suzie Townsend!)

(added 1/04/11 @ 11:30)
Thanks so much for the feedback! Objectivity is a wonderful thing- you're right on the "rush" thing.

Maybe:

# 3. When a powerful ghost wants Kate to become one too, she must face her past to banish him, or lose her future and her (living) mortal lover.

(tweaking to show all the votes for "mortal" instead of "living". You guys are the best!)

31 comments:

  1. I can see an intriguing story in this pitch, but it's not clear enough. I'm not sure what a harmless rush is pitch 1, it could be just me, I don't know. So I'm leaning toward pitch 2, but then I like the last bit of pitch 1. I don't know, maybe something like this --->

    When Kate falls for a living, Michael, her personal ghost, goes from harmless to jealous, & now she must face her past to banish him or die.

    Or something like it. I hope this helps and good luck! :D

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  2. I like the second one much better, and I don't know what a rush is either.

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  3. I actually like one better because it feels more active, but I also did not know what a rush was.

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  4. Sorry to echo everyone, but I don't know what a rush is either and it's not apparent from the context. The first pitch seems too divided between characters and while that's typically fine for romance novels, this is a very short pitch so it should be more focused. I like the second one b/c it IS a bit more focused, but I also think it could do with some clarification.

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  5. Thanks so much for the feedback! Objectivity is a wonderful thing- you're right on the "rush" thing.

    Maybe:

    When a powerful ghost wants Kate to become one too, she must face her past to banish him or lose her future and her (living) lover.

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  6. Number 2 all the way. The first one doesn't sound like there is much of a question there. The second one gives a better explanation for the "why" of the story.

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  7. Tweaking number 3:

    When a tormented ghost wants Kate to become one too, she must face her past to banish him, or lose her future and her current lover.

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  8. Ooooh, Clutzattack, I like it!

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  9. Agree with Beth, I love 1 and 3. I think I like 3 better though.

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  10. 3 is definitely better. Must be a better way to describe her lover, though. Mortal lover?

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  11. Going with Clutzattack! The revision is ready to go!

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  12. 3 is my favorite. Although I would have written it more like, "Michael, a powerful ghost, wants Kate to become like him; forcing her to face her past to banish him & save her mortal lover." That's just me though. Every writer is different. I'm intrigued by what I've read though! Good job & good luck in the contest!! :)

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  13. Very nice! The only tweak I could see is removing the parethesis in order to smooth the flow. Something like this:

    "When a powerful ghost wants Kate to become one too, she must face her past to banish him, or lose both her future and her living lover."

    Again, just a nit-noid tweak on my part. You have a fantastic pitch.

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  14. Going with you and Clutzattack! I like #3, but I don't like "...(living) lover." I would take that out and perhaps use, "or lose her future and mortal lover."

    There were three "hers" in a row I tried to obsolete one of them.

    Otherwise, pitch is awesome and I would like to read this book. Good Luck.

    Thank you for your comments on my pitch - I went back and made a 2nd entry. If you have a chance take another look and let me know what you think.

    Good Luck again! Awesome.

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  15. Wow, I feel like I'm coming too late to the game because your revised #3 is SO much stronger! I also vote for mortal lover rather than living lover.

    Great job, and thanks for your comments on mine.

    Good luck!

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  16. Definitely #3! And I love the premise. Sounds interesting!

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  17. I love the premise, too. The revision is great, but I found the wording of the last part a bit confusing. Maybe "or lose her mortal lover--and her life."

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  18. your revised number three is getting stronger for sure. perhaps instead of "wants kate to become one too" you could simplify to "wants kate to join him" giving you more words to work with.
    douglas esper

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  19. I think three is the best so far and I like mortal over living. It's a stronger word.

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  20. Looks like you've got things under control. Sounds like a great book. Best of luck with the contest!

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  21. Oh I really like the 3rd one. You've evolved it in all good ways ;o)

    When a powerful ghost wants Kate to [join him in the afterlife], she must face her past to banish him, or lose her future and her mortal [love].

    I really like it! I just tweaked a couple things. Great job!!

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  22. Ooh I like the 3rd one. You've made some great revisions. Good job!

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  23. Amazing! The third one TOTALLY hooks, whereas the first two didn't. When can I read this? Get yourself published like NOWWWWW (or adopt me as a beta reader)

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  24. Definitely #3!!! It is by far the most interesting and clear. GREAT job and thanks for commenting. This is sooo hard, huh? LOL

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  25. I vote #3 with Doug's suggestion "to join him".
    Good luck!

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  26. When a powerful ghost wants Kate to become one too, she must face her past to banish him, or lose her future and her mortal lover.

    Interesting! Good job at putting all the information in 140 characters. I do think you can get rid of the word powerful because the situation seems dire enough without it (sounds scary to have a dead man wanting you to join him). It might also sound better if she overcomes her past and faces him--just a minor point. Overall, I like this pitch!

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  27. it may be just me but i'm ot too fond of the phrase 'face her past' as it seems to be overused...Just me I suspect.

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  28. I like number three (with the tweaks) best. Nice work!

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  29. #3 as well, using "mortal" to make distinction with ghost. I don't know what a rush is either (the meaning of it in your book). If it's a term you created, capitalize it.

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